This too shall pass.

I wonder how things get worst in just a snap. I want to know who to blame. But that's not the point. I admit that until now I'm sad and my sadness aggravates in the thought of being helpless. Since then, I have given them the power to control me. When I was in my teenage years, I lack social life. I can't go to places I want. I can't go to an overnight stay with friends. I can't go everywhere. The thought started when I get into nursing during my college years. Where we studied about the developmental stages of Erik Erikson's Theory. Its when I start to fight for myself, to be angry for them, for being too protective. Its not normal for my age to stay at home the whole day and do nothing when I can be with my friends to socialize and have fun even once a week. But no, I'm stuck at home everyday.. everynight.

My mom and I often have disagreements about the permission I often get from her when my friends have their so called "gala".  In an instinct of not being permitted, I was used to lie about it and replace the word "gala" into "duty" so that they wont worry much about where I am. But behind all those lies at the end of the day, I regret lying to them but getting it as a routine, regrets are being replaced by my short-period happiness.

And now that I'm already a BSN degree holder, there is always that thought of being free from everything I want.. I am totally wrong. I am disappointed to the point I want to erase them in my planned future. I am very sad of having a stagnant life like this. And being envious is what taking my feelings heavier that I cannot handle anymore.

Being an optimistic person, I want to just follow the flow just like a kid and wait for the right time. All I know that for now I'm sad and maybe this too shall pass.